Our hearts still hold you

In September I felt pause in my heart, but no words to speak. March is creeping closer and closer and it feels lonely. I'm huvering between the two markers. I don't feel hopelessness, for there is hope in Christ. I don't feel swallowed in grief, those days have passed. I just feel grayish, a little now, and then.

A month ago I found a journal entry that feels like an ache that won't be fully soothed. It reads

"Tomorrow it will be one week since we found out that this little babe won't be held in our arms but only in the arms of Heaven." There is more.

How do I end this? I'm not seeking words of comfort, I think I'm just working through feelings by writing about them.

I thank you Lord for the three loud, bouncing, energy sapping, tender-hearted boys that you have blessed us with. And we send our love to the babe only our hearts have held.